I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
