Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
