Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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