Will you blow on my dice?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
