cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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