I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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