my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
