I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How does it feel to date your dad?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
