have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize