Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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