either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
