Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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