she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
