Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
