So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
