so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
