..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
