i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
