yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
