do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
