ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
