Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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