Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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