i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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