Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
