I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
