OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
