if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
