mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
