fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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