I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
