If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
