She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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