im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
