No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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