i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
