He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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