think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
