I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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