Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
