My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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