she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I did not marry a roomba.
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