They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
