your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Girls should come with a carfax report
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
