Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
