so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
