That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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