If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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