I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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