You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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