at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Randomize
