He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize