Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
