Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Randomize