No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
