just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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