is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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