If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
