I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize