you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
