Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
