Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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