Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
