Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i think im in europe. pls send help
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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