sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
